in this house or any house. lately, since 2 roommates at my house are being replaced by 2 more friends, people haven’t been home with me while i’m here. honestly, it’s not that i “need a friend”,  or need something to do. i just have this anxiety (from when i was small it turns out) which comes when i’m by myself. it makes me feel like i could be here for a long time and there would be no outside impact. i just always forget i can make my own choices and it causes me so much anxiety. especially when i’m sitting here alone, “choosing” to have someone here and still being alone - that makes no sense. i’m here with God, yes, but he can’t say “amanda you’re going to be fine; stop worrying about everything and please be happy where i have you”. although, maybe the fact that i’m here on tumblr literally typing my dumb half-thoughts and giving God words - it may be that this is his way of telling me that specific thing. weird how that just happened.